WICKED is a word I probably didn't use the first 1-2 years I lived here in the Boston area. For 1, I'm not a true New Englander and 2, I always thought it sounded STOOOOPID! Fast forward a couple years and now I say it with ease. Mostly when I'm driving down the road, hollaring and screaming obscenities at the Massholes on the road who are "super wicked assholes that can't drive."
Anyways...I had a point to this post...Uh, what was it, now?!? Oh, yeah...Seasonal Affective Disorder. I have S.A.D. - and hooooooy boy, being sad can't even come close to the dark, empty feelings I had for the past few months. I was wicked depressed, I rarely went out with friends, Paul and I didn't go out most of the winter (out to dinner, shopping, movies, etc.) and I could have cared less about wedding planning. I pretty much operated at a level that got me out of bed, I hung out most of the day at home, I went to work, and came home. I'm not saying I moped around feeling sorry for myself for months on end, but I just wasn't myself and I knew it. Other than online, where I could hide my depressed self, if you were around me over the winter, you may have noticed my funk.
This was the first year that I've felt that distant and blue. I had some changes in my routine and life that more than likely have contributed to it: the death of 2 friends, job change, paycheck change, the winter was pretty cold, long and gray, relationship issues with my mother...I get this way right around Thanksgiving and it lasts through the winter months. When the weather breaks and we see more sun and warmer temps, I start to feel better.
I am already feeling better, seriously! I'm not 100% yet, but I just get that sense that life is not as hopeless as it felt the last few months. (I've since stopped taking little feel-better pills, with the permission of my doctor, I was on Wellbutrin XL)
I know when I'm feeling better because wedding planning is back in full-force, I have ideas for a series of books I want to author and my creative mind is less cloudy!
Thank you for listening!