Friday, November 2, 2007

It's obvious I need a short vacation...

Been a few days since I blogged, mostly because I've been at work most waking hours of the day and the other waking hours I'm trying to fall asleep! Seriously, nothing seems to go right for me these days. Everytime I get 10 steps ahead at work, I fall 15 back and it takes 2 weeks to catch up with the fallback steps, to then be overwhelmed by the next 10 steps that need to be taken. Been doing some SERIOUS soul searching lately about where I want to be in *at the very least* 2 years. And I sure as hell better not be running a group home. I feel OLD! Let's just say I have 5 individuals, 1 of which sucks the living life out of me all on her own and far more than the other 4 can do as a whole. But I can't tell her that, I can't react like I want to because it's my job to help manage her life, not run it.
I wanted to walk away from my job yesterday - but then the overwhelming reminder that I am sucked in because I need the insurance so I can be covered for my medical needs. To even be talking about work, outside of work, it's obvious I've started to *take it home* with me and I am *eating, breathing and shitting* work...I've let my boundaries stray. Time to regroup.

Speaking of medical needs...went to MGH for a follow/up from my MRI on 10/12/07 - to which I thought we were just making sure we cleared up the left breast (making sure the fibrocystic change was still just that) before I headed off to my radiation consult/set-up next week. (This all coming from my 2nd opinion Dr.)

First of all, I want to just point out that the mammograms hurt like a MFer on both breasts. I survived.

But I haven't been the same since they found another area of interest on my right breast again, the MRI showed an area of suspicion, the mammo's showed it too, the ultrasound shows a weird black mass in the shape of a line of sorts and it's not a blood vessel. The first time waiting on calls and/or test results were not a major issue, considering I had NO REASON to believe that I'd have breast cancer. This time around...CAN THE DAYS GO BY ANY FREAKIN' SLOWER? It's obvious that waiting on calls tend to lead to my mind wandering and thinking the worst. It's only been 2 days, well 3 now...but they want to do a biopsy and they should have called by now to schedule it. Anyways, so now I have something new to stress about until it's resolved. Wish me luck.

3 comments:

Penny said...

Oh Tanya, this sucks. I can't believe it takes so long to schedule appointments, schedule tests, get results, and move ahead with action steps. A woman with breast issues, let alone breast cancer, should be her doc's ONLY priority! My heart is breaking for you. If I can drag my fat a$$ to any location you name, I'm there for you (had chemo #3 today, not sure how I'll be over the next few days). Talk, vent, whatever you need. {BIG HUG}

Gawain said...

Hey babe, I just wanted to let you know that I'm still thinking of you and sending good thoughts your way! Love ya!

The Parsons Family said...

arg...... Im feeling for ya and just want things to get better for you. Hang in there ok, big kisses....