Monday, January 5, 2009

My struggle with weight loss...

...Cuz I certainly didn't struggle to gain it!

For as long as I remember, I've been overweight. From high school to present day...but more so now in the last 4 years than before but age is playing a role, so is the medication I'm on (Tamoxifen). Those 2 realities I cannot change, but everything else I can.

I signed back up for Weight Watchers Online (I gave it a go a few years back) and I decided to give it another 3 month whirl. I will reevaluate come April whether to stick with it online or move on to meetings. I am a person that needs clear direction and support at all times...I probably should have started with the meetings (though I've never been to one), but I already know that WW DOES WORK, I just want to give it a cheaper whirl for a few months. ($17/month vs. $40/month)

I was on it back when I tried to quit smoking and it was a recipe for failure right off the bat. I tried it again at some point and failed and here I am again, only determined that I WILL NOT FAIL, I WILL ONLY SUCCEED IN MY WEIGHT LOSS JOURNEY!

Paul and I are both overweight. BOTH OF US have agreed to support one another through the "cravings" and the "wants of crappy food". Paul won't join WW for Men, that's ok because the meals I cook will work for my plan, they will also be healthy for him as well. One nice thing this go around for us/him, is that Paul has a new job at the high school, so sitting at home working (like he has over the last few years) and being that close to the tv and refrigerator has changed!

When I met Paul I weighed 204 lbs. (Feb. 2005) I had lost about 65 lbs. when I got divorced in 2004. Today I weigh in at 293 lbs. a difference of + 89 lbs. I'm a non-smoker and a breast cancer survivor by gawd, but I am FAT! I feel horrible, I can't lift my legs to put on my socks (I have to bend over and put them on) I can't fit in my clothes and I refuse to buy bigger size. I already wear a 24 pants and 3x shirts. My shoes feel tighter than they had in the past - they gained weight too! My back hurts all the time and I am OUT OF BREATH when I run up 3 flights of stairs when I get home and I avoid laundry because that's 3 flights of stairs down and back up to change a load! I have rolls of fat on my back and my face is so round and pudgy I only recognize a fat, depressed, angry person inside. I've been in a slight bit of denial that my fatness is OK, I mean, Old Navy still makes 4x and sizes up to 30!

So here we are to Day 1 of my new weight loss goal, taking it one day at a time.

I also decided that the ONLY resolution for the New Year is weight loss.

1 comment:

Penny said...

I've been pondering on this post since I saw it last night. I have always thought the world of you, I hope you know that. It took tremendous courage to make this post and that shows me again the kind of tough stuff you are made of. I'm on your side and on your team. Tell me what I can do to help you on the journey. I'm doing it at work, down about 10 and counting. It's great program. {HUGE HUG}